What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
