they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
