Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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