Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
