Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
