Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
