Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My liver just broke up with me...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
