I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
