Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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