he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
