mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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