chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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