I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Found your dick twin last night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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