Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
