i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
