and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
