Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You are the jesus of drinking
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
