a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's never too late to be topless.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
