you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
