i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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