You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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