I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
