o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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