Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
