i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
