I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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