Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
