if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
