so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
