i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
