Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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