I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
