Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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