Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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