just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
