By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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