Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
