Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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