But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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