haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
