The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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