I wanna passion pit in your ass
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
