I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
