You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
