before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Hippo gnu deer
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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