If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
