He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
