This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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