Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
