how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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