I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm at about main and main street
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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