Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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