i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
