Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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