Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also, beer. Big fan.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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