So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
