That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
