Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he thought i was a dude.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
be right there i have to get my cape
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
