Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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